There was a time when I cared about how others may see
me. I worried that I was not well dressed enough or had
the proper amount of makeup. I was always aware that I
may not belong to the right organizations or church. I
did not subscribe to the right political parties. All
of the years I tried to fit in I would have been better
off not trying because in the end it really does not matter.
fussed and fretted right down to the proper dress for
the occasion. My hair must be just so and my nails and
gloves, shoes hand bags all that piled in a heap in the
middle of the bed while I made my selection. Hours went
into grooming my outside while my inside went wanting
for some truth and for freedom. I felt that the latex
girdles we never ventured out of the house without, were
as restraining to the body, as the mind was restrained
by proper manners. The cone shaped bra that made you look
like you had just stuffed two ice cream cones in you dress
not only were uncomfortable but also producing a fake
appearance for others to see.
All of the things we women were governed by were there
to force us to appear the same, or at least acceptable
to the public world.
I never quite fit into that mold and always found myself
at social occasions on the outside looking in. I often
went for long walks alone while others sought the safety
of the crowded dance floor. I never fit into the giggling
school girl conversations that whispered behind the well
groomed hands. Not to say I did not envy the ones
who fit in and belonged to that polite society or the
"in crowd". I had taken my turn at all
the fashion trends, finding them boring, and frustrating.
Perhaps it was the fear of being separated out for criticism
that we tend to cling together and become one anonymous
blob. I guess that old safety in numbers is true and can
protect you to a point; then you have to step out or become
lost from your own true self.
My grandmother use to call it the "pecking order"
like in the hen yard. I learned my best lessons on "what
not to do", from the hens. Chickens will gang up
on the weak and literally peck them to death. So the pecking
order is one that I will not soon forget.
We as human and huwomen, are different and unique. This
difference is not only physical, we know from the very
study of our DNA and voiced prints not to mention the
all mighty finger prints; but also our state of
Why then if we are meant to be unique do we need to stifle
that precious gift and try to assimilate each other to
the point of mimic? You cannot be me and I cannot be you
or how else would we ever be able to tell us apart. Then
we start with the. "you can belong and you cannot"
we perpetuate the need to control. Separation and control
was the sign of the fourth world and we are fast entering
the middle of the fifth world. There is no place for separation
in this time if we are caught in that we will not excel
to the place of knowing.
A gold fish is a gold fish to the untrained eye but if
you're a gold fish then I suppose you can tell the difference.
The human race is unique in the fact that none of us look
alike, that is the clue that we are not meant to
look or act or be alike. Yes there are some basic ground
rules on living together, but other than that just about
everything is acceptable.
Our minds can be trained to think in a certain way yet
we still have the individual personality like layers of
a rose, each petal is different.
is acceptable to you may not be acceptable to me and so
on and so on. We all can be drawn into thoughts and actions
that influence our lives and cause us pain and discomfort.
That discomfort is the price we pay for growth and understanding,
it is when you start to reflect it on others to cause
hurt, you have stepped into a place of consciousness.
With that in mind we are able to hand out great power
in numbers and in the pain and suffering we can cause
a few. Remember there is safety in numbers so we tend
to want a large following.
We may question our reason for this discomfort that drives
us to these actions and the reason we feel threatened.
We will, as in time past, run to talk to someone
of like mind and speak about our fears so that we can
work on the issues at hand.
We dress in our acceptable cloths and cover our face
with the acceptable amount of make up, careful to dress
the hair and body in an acceptable way.
Politely over tea cups and folded napkins, with white
crisp gloved hands we skim the conversation in polite
ways. Stone faced so as not to show emotion we slip in
and out of vague attempts to dislodge the problems without
story has many sides if viewed from all points of the
wheel, this we call perspective or a point of view. All
sides must be seen and honored to find the complete picture.
Some times when the whole world is out of balance it
is good to just sit and listen let the talking stick go
round a few times. Enter into the silence and learn your
place in the plan of all things, then you can find your
When you have found your own self again you can walk
in your own unique way without the hindrance of the crowd.
Once shed of this need to be protected you will also have
to learn to grow and understand others in a different
way. Acceptance will not be as important as it once was
to you and the very idea of being alone in your own mind
will be a treasured moment. The need to be socially
acceptable will no longer be on the top of your list.
You will begin to cast off the garment of polite society
and find the once thought of as "must have friends"
will slowly change to the "still have friends."
It is a slow and long journey to this place and one that
is well worth the taking. The center of your self is the
destination and the reward is the truth and beauty that
you have brought to share.
© 2004 by Waynonaha
Two Worlds All publication rights reserved.