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There was a time when I cared about
how others may see me. I worried that I was not well
dressed enough or had the proper amount of makeup. I
was always aware that I may not belong to the right
organizations or church. I did not subscribe to the
right political parties. All of the years I tried to
fit in I would have been better off not trying because
in the end it really does not matter.
I fussed and fretted right down to the proper dress for the occasion. My hair must be just so and my nails and gloves, shoes hand bags all that piled in a heap in the middle of the bed while I made my selection. Hours went into grooming my outside while my inside went wanting for some truth and for freedom. I felt that the latex girdles we never ventured out of the house without, were as restraining to the body, as the mind was restrained by proper manners. The cone shaped bra that made you look like you had just stuffed two ice cream cones in you dress not only were uncomfortable but also producing a fake appearance for others to see. All of the things we women were governed by were there to force us to appear the same, or at least acceptable to the public world. I never quite fit into that mold and always found myself at social occasions on the outside looking in. I often went for long walks alone while others sought the safety of the crowded dance floor. I never fit into the giggling school girl conversations that whispered behind the well groomed hands. Not to say I did not envy the ones who fit in and belonged to that polite society or the "in crowd". I had taken my turn at all the fashion trends, finding them boring, and frustrating. Perhaps it was the fear of being separated out for criticism that we tend to cling together and become one anonymous blob. I guess that old safety in numbers is true and can protect you to a point; then you have to step out or become lost from your own true self. My grandmother use to call it the "pecking order" like in the hen yard. I learned my best lessons on "what not to do", from the hens. Chickens will gang up on the weak and literally peck them to death. So the pecking order is one that I will not soon forget. We as human and huwomen, are different and unique. This difference is not only physical, we know from the very study of our DNA and voiced prints not to mention the all mighty finger prints; but also our state of mind. Why then if we are meant to be unique do we need to stifle that precious gift and try to assimilate each other to the point of mimic? You cannot be me and I cannot be you or how else would we ever be able to tell us apart. Then we start with the. "you can belong and you cannot" we perpetuate the need to control. Separation and control was the sign of the fourth world and we are fast entering the middle of the fifth world. There is no place for separation in this time if we are caught in that we will not excel to the place of knowing. A gold fish is a gold fish to the untrained eye but if you're a gold fish then I suppose you can tell the difference. The human race is unique in the fact that none of us look alike, that is the clue that we are not meant to look or act or be alike. Yes there are some basic ground rules on living together, but other than that just about everything is acceptable. Our minds can be trained to think in a certain way yet we still have the individual personality like layers of a rose, each petal is different. What is acceptable to you may not be acceptable to me and so on and so on. We all can be drawn into thoughts and actions that influence our lives and cause us pain and discomfort. That discomfort is the price we pay for growth and understanding, it is when you start to reflect it on others to cause hurt, you have stepped into a place of consciousness. With that in mind we are able to hand out great power in numbers and in the pain and suffering we can cause a few. Remember there is safety in numbers so we tend to want a large following. We may question our reason for this
discomfort that drives us to these actions and the reason
we feel threatened. We will, as in time past, run
to talk to someone of like mind and speak about our
fears so that we can work on the issues at hand.
We dress in our acceptable cloths and cover our face with the acceptable amount of make up, careful to dress the hair and body in an acceptable way. Politely over tea cups and folded napkins, with white crisp gloved hands we skim the conversation in polite ways. Stone faced so as not to show emotion we slip in and out of vague attempts to dislodge the problems without appearing rude. Each story has many sides if viewed from all points of the wheel, this we call perspective or a point of view. All sides must be seen and honored to find the complete picture. Some times when the whole world is out of balance it is good to just sit and listen let the talking stick go round a few times. Enter into the silence and learn your place in the plan of all things, then you can find your own balance. When you have found your own self again you can walk in your own unique way without the hindrance of the crowd. Once shed of this need to be protected you will also have to learn to grow and understand others in a different way. Acceptance will not be as important as it once was to you and the very idea of being alone in your own mind will be a treasured moment. The need to be socially acceptable will no longer be on the top of your list. You will begin to cast off the garment of polite society and find the once thought of as "must have friends" will slowly change to the "still have friends." It is a slow and long journey to this place and one that is well worth the taking. The center of your self is the destination and the reward is the truth and beauty that you have brought to share. Love, Waynonaha Copyright © 2004 by Waynonaha Two Worlds All publication rights reserved. http://www.susunweed.com/Teacher-Waynonaha.htm
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